I recently read an article with the headline “Why AI will never write a good Seinfeld episode”.
Oh, really?
Obviously, it immediately got me interested.
The response was so convincing and hilarious that I just had to share it.
I decided to use the Seinfeld storyline that was used on the seventh season of “Curb Your Enthusiasm״, where they wrote a script in which George became a millionaire by developing an iPhone App that finds the nearest public restroom in your area - the iToilet (😂).
Without further ado, I present to you ChatGPT 4o’s Seinfeld episode: “The Toilet Whisperer”.
User Prompt: Create a Seinfeld episode about George trying to create an AI chatbot that finds the nearest free toilet in your vicinity.
Seinfeld Episode: "The Toilet Whisperer"
[Opening Scene: Jerry's Apartment]
Jerry is standing at the kitchen counter, eating cereal. George bursts in, frantically waving his hands.
George:
Jerry! You won’t believe it. I’ve done it. I’m going to be rich!
Jerry:
Rich? You can’t even figure out how to split the check at Monk’s, and now you’re rich?
George:
I’m serious this time. I’ve created an AI chatbot that finds the nearest free toilet in your vicinity!
Jerry:
A toilet-finding chatbot?
George:
Yes! Think about it. How many times have you been out and had to... you know, go? But there's nowhere to go!
Jerry:
Never really a problem for me, George. I go before I leave the house.
George:
Not everyone has your precision timing, Jerry! Some of us live on the edge, always one wrong sip of coffee away from disaster!
Jerry:
You want an AI to find bathrooms for you?
George:
Not just me! For everyone! I call it "Toilet Whisperer." You just type in where you are, and boom! Nearest, free, clean toilet. It’s brilliant!
Kramer barges in, sliding across the floor with his usual flair.
Kramer:
Hey, what's up, boys?
Jerry:
George is revolutionizing public restroom access with artificial intelligence.
Kramer:
Hoo-hoo! Now you’re talkin’! You know, George, I’ve spent a fortune finding the right facilities. Some of them even charge you now! It's an epidemic.
George:
Exactly! That’s the whole idea! And get this—every time someone uses the app and leaves a review, it gets smarter. It knows which toilets are clean, which ones have those dreaded hand dryers instead of paper towels, which ones are... occupied.
Kramer:
What about toilet paper, huh? You could rate the softness, maybe even rank the plies!
George:
Oh, I’m way ahead of you, Kramer. We’ll have a "paper status" feature. Two-ply? One-ply? No-ply? The people will know!
Jerry:
So how does this... "Toilet Whisperer" work? You think people are just gonna input bathroom reviews while they’re running for their lives?
George:
Of course! It’ll be like Yelp, but for... relief!
[Cut to Monk’s Café]
George is fiddling with his phone while Jerry and Elaine watch him.
Elaine:
An AI chatbot for toilets? Really, George? That’s what you’re putting out into the world?
George:
You mock, Elaine, but you wait. One day you’ll be in desperate need, and Toilet Whisperer will be there for you. And you'll thank me.
Elaine:
So, what happens if, say, there’s a line at the nearest bathroom? Or it’s closed for cleaning?
George:
I’ve got contingencies! The app will redirect you to the next available toilet! It even calculates the urgency of your situation based on how long you’ve been looking.
Elaine bursts out laughing.
Elaine:
Oh, please! What, does it send out a red alert if you’ve had too much coffee?
George:
Why not?!
[Cut to Jerry’s Apartment]
Kramer is sitting on Jerry’s couch, scrolling through his phone. George walks in looking disheveled.
Kramer:
Oh man, George, the app... it’s blowing up! People love it. I just got a five-star review for a bathroom in Union Square.
George:
(Exhausted)
It’s a nightmare, Kramer. I’ve had to map every single toilet in the city. I’m talking cafes, parks, those weird basement restrooms in department stores... I’m practically living in bathrooms!
Jerry:
So now you’re some sort of... toilet detective?
George:
(Frustrated)
It’s harder than you think! And then there’s the bots! My AI is out there searching, learning... but it’s getting confused! It thinks Starbucks is one giant public restroom! And don't get me started on those porta-potties during street fairs. The algorithm can't handle the smell index!
Kramer gets up, excited.
Kramer:
Hey, George, what if I told you about an exclusive bathroom only a few know about? It’s in the basement of this hotel—pristine, always empty, marble floors, a door that locks!
George:
(Interested)
Where?
Kramer:
I can’t just tell you, George. Some things... they have to be earned. You have to go through the journey, man.
George:
(Eager)
Kramer, you gotta give me the location! Toilet Whisperer needs it!
Kramer:
Not until you prove yourself worthy.
[Final Scene: Jerry’s Stand-up]
Jerry:
What is it with public bathrooms? You walk in, it’s like entering a lottery—you don’t know what you’re going to get. One stall is pristine, the other’s a war zone. And now we’ve got AI to help us navigate this minefield. Really? A chatbot for toilets? If you’re at the point where you need technology to find a bathroom, maybe it’s time to reevaluate your day. You’re not a secret agent, you’re just a guy who had too much coffee!
Audience laughter as scene fades out.
[Closing Scene: Monk’s Café]
George is looking at his phone, dejected.
George:
The app's crashing, Jerry. Everyone’s looking for toilets at the same time, and it can’t handle the load!
Jerry:
Sounds like it needs to... flush its system.
George glares while Jerry smirks. Fade out.
